Sex With Strangers Is Good for You

Photo by Yohann LIBOT on Unsplash

The term one-night stand is filled with negative connotations. Think about it. Alcohol. Bad judgment. Spontaneous sex. Maybe drugs. Possible regret with a drop of anxiety about which STDs you might’ve caught. Pregnancy scares. It’s everything our parents used to say.

But what if I told you that was a myth? What if some meaningless sex with a stranger was just what you needed to start recovering from a bad breakup? Take the red pill. Come with me.

Nobody plans a one-night stand, or at least not that I know of. That’s what makes them so great. It’s like finding a $20 on the sidewalk, except it also gives you a huge boost in your self-esteem area.

But that first one-night stand showed me what I’d been looking for the whole time: fun sex.

Not meaningless sex, exactly. But less serious. Just entertainment.

How did my one-night stand begin? At a conference, with me just standing at a crosswalk one morning on my way to a panel. He walked up, messing with his name badge. His eyes flashed when he saw me. Yeah, handsome.

It turned out we were going to the same panel. Or maybe he lied: “Oh, I love Nabokov! I was on my way there, too.” But he knew enough to make the lie convincing. I mean, he’d even read Pnin.

We sat together. We had lunch together, too, and exchanged numbers. At first, I thought maybe we’d just become conference buddies. But then some sassy texts showed up — not creepy, just playful. Around 5 p.m., he said we should check out this sushi place. That turned into coffee and then drinks with some other grad students. About halfway through a cocktail party, he pulled me off into a back room, where we started kissing.

You’re not supposed to behave like that in academia, at least not in public. We both knew better. People who make out in public at conferences don’t get jobs. They become the subjects of gossip and dirty stories.

The risk made those lips taste even better.

The other thing? He was married. Don’t worry, he told me first — while slipping an arm around my waist. He almost whispered it. They were getting separated. In my old life, that would’ve made me puke. But that night, it made me feel sexy.

What was I to him? A harmless fuck? A treat after a rough year? Yeah, that’s it. I was a treat. That felt nice for a change.

A one-night stand has plenty of meaning. It means someone wants you, bad. So bad they can’t wait. They want to fuck you now. You feel a sense of urgency and adventure. It’s almost like a baptism.

Before that, I’d only kissed someone on a first date once and no fucking until a third date. But that night, I figured common sense and good judgment hadn’t gotten me anywhere so far. Might as well try some mistakes. So we whisked onto the elevator and up to his room.

After guiding himself in, he stopped. “Just making sure… You know this is a one-time thing, right?

“Shut up and fuck me.”

We split a bagel at Starbucks the next morning. We teased each other and flirted. But neither of us felt the twinge of regret or hangover headache that’s supposed to come later. We even remembered each other’s names. Later that day, he texted me for another night out. So it was more like a two-time thing. Actually, three or four times.

Meaningless sex is great when you are smart about it.

It turned out that we kinda liked each other, even apart from the sex. He was funny, told interesting stories, and we got along well. Sure, we were using each other for sex. But that didn’t make us evil or empty. We entered into the contract with our eyes open, and a sense of mutual respect. He wanted out of his marriage, and I needed my confidence and dignity restored. Not a bad deal for either of us.

Everyone talks about how much meaningless sex degrades you. That’s just not always true. Meaningless sex doesn’t hurt people. People hurt people.

Sadly, none of my later flings lived up to that first one. The next one lied about his age by about 12 years. After that, I mistakenly almost fucked a cocaine addict. And after that, I cooled off and returned to monogamy. But I came back with a new sense of strength and self-awareness. So my advice? If you’re single, go fuck a stranger. You might be surprised what happens.