The floor was more hectic than I had anticipated from afar. After squeezing through a bunch of grinding body parts for a few minutes, I finally found Mark. He wasn't so much dancing as just tapping his foot.

But it was obvious his mind was occupied elsewhere. I followed his gaze until it came to rest on the object of his attention; the incredibly gorgeous girl I had seen earlier, the one with her clique.

She was captivating, like a siren, but with seductive swaying of hips and steamy moves rather than an alluring voice. Do you know how the sirens in the tale of Odysseus would lure sailors to their deaths by causing them to drive their ships into rocks? Yeah, there are rocks all right.

Her entourage wasn't going to let any of these sailors near her. Not that no one tried. Those that did found themselves being firmly pushed back by the girl's girlfriends, all while they rubbed and fondled each other up and down. I guess you could say the ship of their pride was 'dashed' against those rocks.

Mark, the big doofus, was clearly playing it safe. If this goes on any longer, he would be salivating all over the dance floor. I tried to make my way toward him. Just as he was within reach, to my surprise, the Siren made her move.

She glided across the dance floor effortlessly, throwing several people off balance, even her own 'rock' formation. She stopped in front of Mark, hips still swaying, and ran her fingers down his chest. Mother of god, I want to take her behind the club and pound her so fucking bad.

But I snapped out of it. Focus, Johnny, focus. You're a knight on a quest for two lovely maidens, and if you play your cards right, heh, heh, heh. Obviously, I'm going to expect some kind of reward. To my amazement, Mark began to jiggle, as if in a trance.

He was probably trying to match the hot girl's moves. It was as lame as it sounded. The girl didn't seem to be put off though. In fact, she looked amused.

"Don't go there, bro. This girl eats naive sailors for breakfast. Monsters like these need certain types of people to handle. Heroes with, ahem, some 'magical' powers, for instance."

I watched as Mark stepped slightly forward and tried to dance. Sighing, I pushed past a couple of people and grabbed Mark on his shoulder. That seemed to make him snap out of it. His skin almost jumped off his frame. He snapped around and looked at me. At first, he didn't seem to recognize me. It was probably the lights. Then he scowled and gave me one of his patented 'the fuck you want?' looks.

"I need to borrow your phone!" I yelled over the music. "I have to call Mom! My phone is out of batteries!" A look of panic spread across his face. It was all according to my plan. Here he is in front of probably the hottest girl in the club, and his annoying underdressed little brother is screaming about calling Mom.

Flustered, he glanced back at the girl. She was facing away from him, still dancing seductively and watching us with one curious eye. Her lips, graced with a half smile, were practically an invitation for a face fuck.

Mark quickly dug out his phone and passed it to me. I fumbled with it for a few minutes, then showed him the unlock screen. Glaring at me, he grabbed it back and tapped in the code. He didn't even bother to hide it from me. 123321. Real secure, bro.

Mark then passed me back the phone and glared double daggers at me to scram. The fucker then turned around back to the girl, whose smile grew wider as he stepped up to her. Well, I guess Serena's instincts were right. Now then, what to do? I feel like I shouldn't leave things as they are.

My body was moving to act before I could gloss over the idea. I quickly pushed my finger underneath the back of Mark's beltline, slid it down slightly to the beginnings of his ass crack, and voila! Applied pressure on the spot. Then, quick as a fly, my hand darted back to my side, and I retreated into the raving crowd. The fucker didn't even notice.

God, dammit, the fucker was so sweaty! I kept wiping my finger on my pants as I made my way back to the back of the bar to where the girls were. Except they weren't where I left them. But it didn't take long for me to find them.

The corridor where I left the girls was lined with private lounges, and further down, one of the mirrored paned doors was open. As I marched past it, I heard Serena call out to me from inside. The room was obviously for catering to VIPs.

There were long leather sofas, fridges of refreshments, strip dancing poles, karaoke machines, and a big-ass flat TV. Serena and Jessica were seated demurely on one of the couches. On another couch across the room, Leo was fiddling with a green shisha pipe. Leo looked up when I entered and gave me a smile and a nod.

"Whoa, nice place," I said.

"I'm just borrowing it for a while to have a smoke," he said, raising the bong. "Saw the girls just standing outside, so I invited them in."

"Is it alright for us to be here?" I asked.

"Oh, sure, sure," Leo said. "My cousin owns the place, and this is just a backup room in case the reservations run out."

"Do you have it?" Jessica called out to me.

I went over and handed her Mark's phone. "123321," I said. Jessica raised an eyebrow and then exchanged a look with Serena. The girls then giggled. The humor lasted only a moment. Soon the girls were deeply engrossed in violating Mark's privacy.

Da fuck? Not even a kiss on the cheek? Not even a "Thank you, Johnny, now tell us how we can show you our appreciation. We'll do aaaanything." I gotta stop watching porn. It's messing with my reality. With nothing left to do, I went over to Leo, who seemed to have set up the shisha apparatus.

"You want to try, bro?" He asked me.

Me: Uh, no thanks. I don't smoke

"It's not smoking, bro, not exactly. It's not even tobacco," he said as he turned to his side and rummaged through a sports bag that I had not noticed before. He produced a glass jar filled with a paste that was nauseatingly blackish-green.

"What's that?" I asked.

"My own recipe, bro," he replied. "I got an uncle who supplies these herbs to Hindu temples, used for incense and shit. For meditation purposes. Well, I did some experimenting and came up with this blend that is really out of this world."

Me: So, it's drugs?

Leo: Eh, if you want to put it like that, almost everything we consume is a drug. Did you know that sugar is as addictive as cocaine?

Me: Uh, that's okay, I'll pass

Leo: Come on, bro. You got to experience everything at least once. Come la, I insist

Oh well. Leo is, after all, my host, and so far he's proven to be most gracious.

"Well if you insist..." I said.

He smiled and gave me a thumbs-up. "That's the spirit, bro!"

He loaded the bong up, and I watched with doubt at the misty vapors rising through the pipe.

"Once I perfected my recipe, I'm thinking of opening my own vape shop, haha," Leo said. "Go mobile."

He handed me a tube. I took it and immediately sucked.

"Whoa, whoa, a little bit at a time," I heard him say.

Too late. I burst out into fits of coughing. There was even smoke coming out of my nose. Leo started laughing. I could hear the laughs gradually becoming more slurred until they were odd rumbling noises.

Suddenly, everything just seemed so bright. Not knowing what was happening, I just settled back and looked around the room. Except there was no room. Everything seems to have faded to white. The soothing tune of a flute was playing in the background.

I was on a clear lake. The water was so clear that I could see the school of koi fishes swirling before me. Looking further down, I discovered that I was standing one-legged on a pillar of wood that had been staked into the bottom of a pond.

I looked down and admired my own reflection. Why am I wearing pajamas? Wait, no. It's one of those classic Chinese suits. All white and silky and shit. Then I wondered how I was maintaining my balance. Unnerved, I began to wobble.

Something tiny and hard bounced off against my head. I glanced up and saw an old man in a wheelchair sitting on the shore of the lake. He was facing me, and in his hand was a bowl of peanuts which he was shelling and eating one at a time.

"Grandpa?" I called out.

"Focus, you fool," Grandpa shouted sternly.

Did he just throw a peanut at me? Motherfucker.

"Reflect, Johnny! There will be no progress if no understanding has been made as to the nature of yourself!" Grandpa said.

"Wait, you can talk?" I asked.

"Open your eyes!" Grandpa said. "You feel, but do not see. Look first, then let your actions flow. Know what to look for. A squirrel that runs up a woman's leg willy-nilly finds no nuts."

Me: Uhhhhh...

"You must discipline yourself. At times of war, strive for peace. At times of peace, prepare for war. Do not expend yourself needlessly and ceaselessly, for such is to tread down the path of immorality."

"Is this your way of telling me with great power comes great responsibility? Dude. I hate to tell you this, but you made two of your grandchildren fuck like rabbits in your garden. How's that for immortality?"

Grandpa bent over to reach down in front of him. His flexibility was impressive. He took off one of his flat sandals and without a word flung it at me. It smacked me in the face.

He cleared his throat and said, "Do not try to hang your guilt upon the hearts of others like a pair of filthy sandals upon the pristine walls of a church. Sure, the place is full of sinners, but that shit's nasty."

Me: What the...

Grandpa: I've said it before and I'll say it again. Focus, Johnny. Focus and reflect

"Okay, okay, whatever. Can I please come down now?" I said. "How the hell did I get here anyway?"

To my amazement, Grandpa rose off his wheelchair and onto his feet. He walked awkwardly up to a tree on his left and bent over to pick something up. It was a brick. He then shuffled over back to the edge of the water.

"Whoa, whoa, w-wait a sec..." I said.

He smiled and said, "The easiest way to find out how you arrived is to go back where you came..."

Me: Don't you dare fucking throw that! You'll kill me, you asshole

"No, I won't. I'm you. It's you who choose to see me this way. I mean, you choose to see yourself this way. Wait, I mean, I see you, no, you see me... Oh, whatever..." And with that, Grandpa stretched back and flung the fucking brick like an Olympic disc thrower. I watched it sail right towards my face.