There’s an orgasm and then there’s an orgasm. You know what I mean. Some are eh, hardly even noticeable. But the best ones? They’re unbelievably strong and long-lasting. They make you want to lie in bed and not move afterward.

These orgasms have mostly come to me at random. While the surprise aspect can make them feel more exciting, I wanted to figure out how I could make them happen whenever I wanted.

According to my experience and research, these small tips can make a big difference with your big O.

1. Ramp up foreplay

When it’s officially ~sexy time~, diving right in is tempting. But as you’ve probably heard, the best things take time and effort — and orgasms are no different.

“It’s particularly important for women to have successful foreplay because it takes a woman a longer time [than a man] to get up to the level of arousal needed to orgasm.

Whether you’re having sex with your partner or masturbating on your own, make sure to have plenty of foreplay. You or your partner can:

- Touch your whole body, especially erogenous zones such as the ears, lower stomach, neck, and inner thigh
- Kiss in different positions
- Tease (that’s right — just tease!) with a sex toy
- Play a sensual playlist and turn on colored lights
- Rub some lotion on your skin

Not sure how long to do this for? Listen to your body. The only guideline I can suggest is to do it for a little longer than you want to.

2. Practice edging (the right amount of it!)

One night, my boyfriend was playing with my clit, and it felt incredible. I was getting closer and closer to an orgasm, and when I was right there, he stopped.

“Ugh,” I groaned. He laughed a little, then started touching me again. When he finally let me orgasm, it was unforgettably intense. That’s what edging is about: stopping stimulation right before orgasm so it’s stronger later.

But be warned: If you stop too often or at the wrong time, the results won’t be as great. It ends in a pretty big disappointment, I’m afraid. If you’re doing this alone, you’re fine, but with a partner, some communication might be needed.

3. Make sure you use plenty of lube

I get it: Lube is sticky. And you don’t want to make your partner feel bad like they “weren’t hot enough to make you wet.”

But that’s not how it works. People don’t get as wet for many reasons, ranging from just naturally being that way to birth control or having a yeast infection. And when you’re plenty wet — not just “wet enough” — you’ll see how much better sex feels.

4. Try new things

My boyfriend and I have tried new sexy adventures over time — role-playing, outdoor sex — and every time, we get turned on even more. And have better orgasms, of course.

I don’t quite know why this happens, other than the fact we’re able to spend more time teasing each other and touching each other’s bodies all over.

5. Use a sex toy

Most of the time, my best orgasms are from a vibrator. There’s nothing wrong with how my boyfriend touches me, don’t get me wrong — but sex toys can hit hard, am I right? It’s also yet another way to switch things up, as the above tip mentioned.

In a Vogue article, Dr. Laurie Mintz, a professor, and psychologist said vibrators can help women have stronger and more frequent orgasms.

6. Know where to focus your stimulation

I’ll cut straight to the point here: Sex got better for me when my partner focused on my clit. I’m sure others have had a similar experience, given most people with clitorises need stimulation there (not inside the vagina) to orgasm.

7. Don’t be afraid to moan and talk dirty

I probably don’t need to explain this one. But, I will say a couple of things:

• I have a feeling that some men think moaning makes them vulnerable, or they have some other issue with it. Most of the men I’ve had sex with didn’t moan much — and more than anything, it made me feel subconscious.

• On a similar note, talking dirty was something I felt a little nervous about at first. How do you do it “right”? What if I say something stupid? But when I pushed those worries away, focused on what I liked saying and hearing, and engaged in dirty talk with my partner, sex got a lot hotter.

And here’s a side of basic science to explain things: Moaning, dirty talk, and whispering release neurochemicals that can turn you on.

8. Picture things in your mind

I struggle to orgasm sometimes. It’s frustrating. But one thing that usually helps? Picturing my boyfriend's naked body. Or me going down on him. Or what him touching my clit looks like. (When we’re not focused on eye contact, of course.)

I assure you, this is just as sexy as it sounds!